Purge the Urge

I had the urge to pull my eyelashes last night. I was looking at the wall clock and thinking about al the stuff I need to do. I didn't feel panicked but I guess I would say I was feeling overwhelmed. I don't know if my peri- menopausal hormones are having anything to do with the pulling increasing...since Trichotillomania often starts around puberty mostly in girls, I have to figure there could be some hormonal component to this thing.

Today I had an eyebrow hair that was particularly stiff and bothered me. It had bothered me for a few days, but I wasn't able to pluck it, even with tweezers. Today, it was finally long enough for me to get a grip on it with tweezers, so I pulled it out. I had relief that I was finally able to get rid of it, but it wasn't so much a stress relief thing, it was more of a grooming thing...I felt neater when it was gone. CONFESS: Struggling with getting at that hair with my tweezers actually made me think of buying a "better" pair of tweezers...I don't need new tweezers, I just need to stop pulling!

How hair pulling makes me avoid things:
I will be happy when I stop pulling because I won't have to put on eyebrow pencil and eyeliner...I will have hair. I won't hate hot weather because it's melting my makeup off, exposing my secret. I won't need to avoid being in direct light anymore when I have hair.

Yesterday in the bright light, my friend's husband looked at me, and I could tell he noticed and wondered where the heck my eyelashes and eyebrows were. He was nice enough not to say anything, but I could tell what he was thinking. Embarrassing!
CONFESS: Pulling makes me paranoid

My eyebrows are the thinnest they've ever been. I think it bothers me not to have eyebrows more than it does not to have eyelashes. I have good lower eyelashes, for some reason I don't attack those...but the upper lashes are very sparse. I have sometimes been pulling and more recently lately, when I've found a hair on my leg that I missed while shaving, I'll pull it out with my fingers. It is more of a grooming thing, or could it also be my trich? I sometimes think, why do most people with trich seem to pull hair on thier head or their eyelashes/eyebrows? I have heard that people with Trich DO pull hair from all areas of their bodies, including the legs.

I wish I could just pull hair on my legs. Having no hair on a woman's legs is acceptable and heck..preferred, right? So I might 'give myself permission' to do the leg hair pulling and no eyelash/eyebrow pulling.

I have had less urge to pull today...I think just keeping a journal about it helps me stop and think what's going on with me before I start pulling it.

My niece is coming for a visit with her boyfriend in just a few days. I just got notice of this. Of course the house is a mess, and I have so much to do. I am thinking of all the stuff I need to accomplish, and of course hate that I will not look good due to my Trichotillomania issues...but I realize I better not let the visit stress me out or make me feel like a failure because my house isn't 'perfect'...or I'll end up pulling.